Hello and welcome to week 4 of Fabulous Introverts!

I hope you’ve enjoyed the series so far, I’ve enjoyed sharing it with you!

What we’ve covered so far:

In the first week, we covered how to find out what personality type you are (if you came up as an extrovert this is totally okay too, I just focus more on the introvert side of things). I explained what this all means and where to find out more information.

In week two we covered the main points to pick out for your personality, and how to build on them. We focused on the positives too, as being negative isn’t the aim of the game with this.

In this post, I showed you have to group your positives together so to keep your goals smaller and more organised. Then, we talked about putting these skills into action. For example, if helping others is a skill of yours, I showed you some fo the ways you can start doing this.

So by now, you should know what personality type you are, how you can apply your personality type into everyday life, and how to focus on the areas to increase your confidence. We’ve gone through this logically so you can pinpoint exactly where you were, and where you want to be.

Let’s now look at how you can put all of this into further action steps, and feel comfortable in your own skin.

**WARNING – long post alert haha 🙂 **

Week 4 of Fabulous Introverts is all about learning to love the skin you're in, one step at a time. Build your introverted confidence!

Remember, don’t forget your download:


As always I’m going to run with the results I got for my personality. FYI mine came out as INFJ-T, and these were the qualities I picked out:

  • Helping others is my purpose in life, that is not just ideas, but goals set into action
  • I make connections with other people very easily (possibly considered extroverted), but still need alone time
  • I get caught up in my passions, sometimes to the detriment of my own wellbeing
  • My personality means I can make the world a better place (but must consider myself, too)

I combined these into two main sections:

1. I love helping others and want to change the world, but forget about myself in the process

2. Making connections with people is a skill of mine, but I do need break from people most of the time

As you can see, I’m a people person but also need space from people sometimes. I want to help other people, and an example of how I do this is via this blog. Both positives, right? But there are times when I hate these aspects of myself too. I don’t always see this as positive (as you can see above I tend to forget about myself).

The key to this section is to turn those negatives into positives. I’ll give you an example right now based on my results:

1. I love helping others and want to change the world, but forget about myself in the process

The test proved highly accurate for me. I am always putting others first, and make myself ill in the process. I have anxiety which makes me worry about the littlest of things ALL THE TIME. Not only this but I jump to the worst possible outcome when someone tells me not to panic. It can be debilitating sometimes.

At nearly 29 years old at the time of writing this, I can say I’ve only overcome this now. Here is how I’ve turned this negative aspect into a positive:

  • I’ve repeated to myself on a daily basis that I am a good person.
  • I’ve also repeated to myself that I worry too much and 99% of situations that occur in my head never come true
  • I’ve spent time looking after myself and tell myself daily that I deserve this
  • I have forgiven myself for the bad things I’ve done in my past which has released the extra pressure I always put on myself

Writing those out is hard. These are issues that I don’t really tell anyone unless it comes up (and trust me, it never really comes up). No doubt this exercise will be hard for you too.

The key to turning around those negatives is to SERIOUSLY consider the good side of them too. If it means writing this all down on paper and then chucking it in the bin so no-one sees, then so be it. Unfortunately, I won’t be chucking this post away anytime soon! As I’ve written in the past, writing your issues down can be really therapeutic, and is something I do on a regular basis.

The course I’m planning right now includes worksheets and an interactive community so will include this once complete. but let’s move onto my next point:

2. Making connections with people is a skill of mine, but I do need break from people most of the time

This point also explains how I work very well. I love meeting new people but don’t particularly enjoy small talk. I also most definitely need breaks from people often as it can be really exhausting.

Here is how I’ve been able to overcome (read accept & manage) this issue:

  • I’ve told myself that it’s okay to stay indoors and not go out all the time
  • I avoid going to town where possible as I don’t like busy places anymore (and don’t beat myself up for this either)
  • I’ve also forgiven myself for doing what I want to do, and don’t have to please everyone all the time
  • I’ve embraced the internet for allowing me to chat with friends in moderation
  • I’ve forgiven myself for forgetting to respond to friends via text/FB messenger as I know they won’t be mad if I do forget

Again those have been really hard to write. These are private issues that not everyone really knows about and being a private person means I don’t share my feelings too well. But I’m hoping you can see how I’ve been able to work on my negatives (through my own choice it is worth mentioning!). I can now sit here and tell you that I no longer beat myself up about every little thing.

Point to remember:

When I asked this question in a blogging Facebook group recently, someone mentioned that a lot of introverts feel the need to change. I am not saying this at all. The point of this series is to pick out areas where you excel and focus on them. Use your talents to your advantage and to really grill your positives into your mind.

No one should feel the need to change, only unless they really want to. I want you to know that you should never feel the need to change, only unless you want to.

Get three worksheets to go along with this series:

 

Now I’ve got that out the way, here are some issues that have been raised by readers. All anonymous unless otherwise stated:

I moved to a new city/country almost two years ago and I still don’t know anyone. I don’t work and I just can’t figure out how to met people without working. Explaining why I am quite to other people is hard. It’s why I like being online. I can be loud when I want to be. So I guess the biggest thing I would work on it actually getting out there and meeting people.

This is a very heartfelt comment and I can resonate with the writer. Moving cities is always a big step and going from knowing lots of people to not knowing anyone is always going to be hard.

In the interests of this post, I’m going to focus on the positives first from the person who wrote this:

  • They accept that they can be loud when they want to be. I love this! It just goes to show that they have quiet confidence and just need to meet some new people
  • Making that move is intense and not something I could ever do. They are brave!
  • They already admit they like being online (like me), but just aren’t sure how to apply this into meeting new people

Combining these into the main point (mission statement, if you will):

I like to be around other people and can be fun to be around. I’m brave but need a lil direction/help

How to develop this:

– Use your love of the online world to meet new people. There are bunches of local Facebook groups where you can meet new people. You’ve also got http://www.meetup.com that has been created precisely for meeting people with similar interests. Be brave now and start a conversation/thread/join a group now. Somewhere in the world, there will be people just waiting to meet people like you.

I struggle the most with wondering if people really like me. I’m very insecure about it.

This is another comment that I can relate to massively. Although short, let’s pick out the main points to this:

  • They care about other people’s opinions, maybe a bit too much
  • They know their flaws, but don’t necessarily see their good side too
  • They sound like a people person too

Here is how I would combine these points into one statement:

I’m a people person and enjoy being around others, but worry about their opinions of me

How to develop this:

You need to remember that you are worthy of other people’s attention. It’s very easy to jump to the worst conclusion (don’t I know it!), and much harder to focus on the positives. I would suggest spending time going through week 2 and week 3 to turn these negatives into a positive so you aren’t so hard on yourself.

Afraid to speak up even when I know the answer..feeling like everyone knows more.. afraid to say my opinion. What people will think and I hate conflict so just prefer to stay in the shadow. Even with “close” friends, I don’t reveal too much. My blog is in a different name for 2 reasons, business and because if I fail everyone will know

Oh, how I can relate to this comment too! You guys just seem like sisters to me! I HATE conflict and would much rather stay quiet than speak out. But hey, this isn’t healthy either. Let’s pick out the main points to this:

  • They seem quiet but respectful of other people (a really great quality to have by the way)
  • They own a business though, which also takes guts and is not something everyone can do!
  • They worry that they are going to fail, possibly a perfectionist
  • Prefer peace over conflict seems important to them

I’ve combined these into one main statement:

I’m actually really brave for having my own business, but worry a lot and perfectionism is a real struggle for me sometimes

How to develop this:

So although the original comment felt quite negative, there are some pretty great qualities here that I could pick out. To me, they sound like a genuinely really nice person, one that is probably very hard on themselves sometimes.

Learning to rein this back though will be challenging but rewarding. A gratitude journal (where you write down all of your positive bits in your life, including things that have gone really well), might do some good. Having a more positive stance on their own personality would do wonders I think.

As an introvert, I struggle most with small talk! If I know I will be in a situation with someone I don’t know really well, I worry and then rehearse small talk in my head!

Another comment where I can relate! Some people are naturally good at small talk (especially the extroverts out there!), but for some, it instills fear, like above. But let’s have a look at the positives from this:

  • They value quality, meaningful conversations over small talk
  • They are intelligent and resourceful with their time
  • They worry that other people will think them weird for not being like extroverts
  • But they also care about what other people think about them (to a certain extent)

Let’s combine these into the main statement:

I choose friends carefully and enjoy deep and meaningful conversations, but I also want to be liked.

Let’s develop this:

Now I’m not saying that wanting to be liked is a bad thing, it really isn’t. After all, who doesn’t want to get on with other people? We live in a world where not knowing anyone is possible, and to be quite honest, I want to be liked and loved, too. Panicking about small talk though to me means that they maybe feel inferior to others sometimes, and wants everything to be perfect (similar to the previous comments).

I would say that in this case, try not to be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some credit, and know that there are people out there who cherish you and love you around. Petty small talk isn’t meaningful in the slightest and you don’t need to worry about this.

Let’s move onto the next one:

I struggle with wanting to have meaningful and successful friendships. I don’t have many friends and I wonder if its because I’m not likeable enough to be a friend that matters. I’m trying to juggle. I have to learn to stop being so involved in every fight. I can be supportive without being so absorbed that its bringing me down (as far as my husband and getting custody of his other daughter)

Another really heartfelt comment here and one, unfortunately, I can’t fully relate too (although being too involved to the point of collapse I can relate).

Breaking this down into sections:

  • They cherish their relationships (friends, family, other) and would make a great support to other people
  • They care deeply for other people’s feelings, to the detriment of their own (very much like me)
  • They are passionate about everything that means a lot to them
  • They are most definitely an amazing mum (whether they believe it or not)

Let’s put these into one sentence:

I am a great friend and mum, highly passionate and opinionated, but struggle to put myself first.

As you can see, there again are many positives to this comment and I really feel that they are a great person. They value meaningful relationships and have no time for the petty small talk (see also above :)). I’ve already spoken to this person via my Facebook page and discussed how to resolve this. But learning to forgive themselves is high on the list here.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the throws of emotions and this leaves little time for their own wellbeing.

Self care would be the first point of call here. Setting aside some time for you is key and will do wonders to get you back on track. Writing out your issues on paper, I feel, will also really help. When you feel like you can’t talk to anyone without worrying about what people think is VERY therapeutic. Paper, after all, doesn’t judge! Definitely give this a try.

This comment is from Jan Tucker who blogs at Perfect Inner Peace. She shares her thoughts and tips here:

I’ve created some wonderful things to share on the Internet that will help people heal their problems and now I am working on being a certified Qigong healer. My problem with introversion that holds me back is promoting my offerings and services. My introversion used to hold me back in corporate America because I lacked the ability to toot my own horn.

It’s been a lifetime struggle in this extroverted world. I, too, believe introverts have wonderful things to offer. We get overlooked way too often. The world would be a better place if people had the patience and the interest in pulling our gifts out of us.
Final call – get your download!


A fab comment by Jan who can really see the talents that introverts have. I don’t feel the need to expand on this as it sounds like Jan is doing pretty well! Go check her blog and magazine out now.

So there you have it. The point of this post is to show you that being an introvert makes you special and that you don’t need to change if you don’t want to.

Being an introvert might mean that you are particularly hard on yourself (for whatever reason). The key to living the best life you can means breaking down your issues and working at changing them, one step at a time.

Hope you’ve found this useful! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

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