For anyone that has been following me and my journey to an anxiety-free life, this is a first time in a year I’ve had to write a post like this.
Every week I’ve been sharing my tips with you in gaining back control over your anxiety, with some fun bits along the way. Unfortunately though, you’ll also know that you never really shake it. It’s always there in the back of your mind. Anxiety holds a grip that is immensely hard to shake, and is probably the only constant thing in your life (like it is for me).
Just because I blog about anxiety, doesn’t mean I don’t suffer from it too, and the past two weeks have shown that. I’ve been silent. I’ve been pushing people away, and doing the bare minimum to get by.
Those who I work with will know that I’ve been suffering a bit on the work front. I’ve been putting all of my focus into my current job, but have found it hard to leave that stress at work.
Yes, this blogger has suffered burn out massively. You would have thought that I should know the signs by now. I did notice the signs, but I had ittle choice in just carrying on at the time (more on this in the ‘updates’ bit).
The title of this blog post outlines exactly what I want to say to you today, in an effort to get back on the bandwagon and keep helping you.
I want to say sorry. I know that anxiety is tough on your own and I started this blog to help some of you. I’ve failed on that front the past two weeks. I suppose this post is a way of holding myself accountable from now on, too. I’m writing this down now to help me remember why I started the blog in the first place, and to show you that I do still care.
Something you need to be aware of if you have anxiety is that it affects the best of us. I know it’ll never really go away. I know that my medication is helping me and will continue to do so. Famous people suffer from anxiety, too. Anxiety does not descriminate based on race, religion, age, sex and everything in between. It doesn’t care.
Remember that you won’t ever be perfect. Perfectionism sounds great on the face of it but it can be crippling if not kept in check. Those who try to be perfect all of the time will have to stop eventually. You can’t be perfect and you can’t try to be perfect forever.
Trying to please everyone, trying to do your work to 110% EVERYTIME and taking on other people’s problems isn’t healthy either. I know you want to help, but there is so ittle you can do. Just watching the news makes me think that I could be doing more, donating more money, helping everyone as much as possible. But these past few weeks have shown me that it just isn’t possible.
I’m taking this opportunity to say sorry, but also tell you to learn from MY mistakes.
As you know, my current job is stressful and there is a lot of pressure involved. I’m dealing with companies that need services but it requires negotiation, has a lot of money riding on it, and sometimes extremely tight deadlines. I always put 100% into any job I have, but this has been a little too much for me. For this reason, I decided on a whim to apply to another company in my sector before Christmas. I’ve kept it quiet until now as I needed to do it the right way.
Lo and behold, it paid off. I’ve been offered a job with better hours, a pay rise, a laptop, and the chance to work from home sometimes. My anxiety and I are saying WOOOP! It’s a fab opportunity and I start in just under 3 weeks. I now feel like the fog is clearing and my head is getting clearer, now I have something to focus on. It’s the chance I’ve been waiting for.
I HATE being selfish but this is the most selfish thing I’ve done in a long time. I’m so glad I did it!
What you can take from this – be selfish sometimes. Remember that if something isn’t working out, you have the power to change it. No-one else can change it for you which means it takes guts and determination. But, if I can do it, so can you! I suffer from a poor self image and lack of confidence sometimes. But these issues will only stop you if you let it.
On the blog front, I’m taking my blog posts per week down from 8 a month, to 4 (once per week). I’ve had a bit of time to think about what I want from the blog and where I want to take it. By doing this it’ll help me focus a bit more on myself, but also will be able to provide great articles on a constant basis.
Finally, a thank you
I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone who emails and sends me messages. Thank you for being patient whilst I took this time to focus on me for a little bit. I thought that the minute I had a break, that suddenly everyone would stop visiting. I was scared in case someone out there needed me but I couldn’t provide the blog posts to help.
I was so wrong. My friends have been there for me, and people are still coming here.
THANK YOU! I appreciate every single one of you. You give me a reason to carry on with this not-so-little blog anymore.
Speak soon x x