Modern Day Girl

All About Mental Health Inspiration For Women

Month: June 2016

9 Really Great Things to Do If You Feel Lonely

By the way, my new eBook, “A Step by Step Actionable Guide to Reaching Your Dreams” is out now! It’s for women who want the best from their life but need a push/bit of guidance. It’s action-packed, non-fluffy and full of content. Click here to read/buy now. I’ll happy wait for you to come back 🙂

Do you ever feel lonely? Do you often feel like this? What steps can you take to improve your social situation?

I’m going to tell you right now. You, reading this, are about to learn what you can do if you feel lonely, and how to solve it.

Keeping the pangs of loneliness can be hard. Why do we even get lonely in the first place?

Some of us can be quite happy just plodding along by ourselves, comfortable in our own company. All we need is a good book, wine, music, or even just a bed.

I know I can quite happily spend every evening with the TV with a good film, food (sometimes wine) and an early night’s sleep.

But what do we do when we feel like a bit of human interaction? We’ve made steps to keep the world out, how do we then go back out there and let stuff in?

Will anyone even care?

They do by the way. You might not know it but there are people out there who would have no issue whatsoever having a chat with you.

They want to know about you and help you, even if it’s just a quick chat.

Even if you have a partner, you can still feel lonely. Sometimes we need a bit of interaction that isn’t our partner or family.
Maybe you’re thinking that the last thing they would want to do is hear from you.

Part of loneliness stems from a feel of rejection. I know that I get worried when getting in contact with people because I feel like I’ll bore them.

Or that they’re already busy enough to stay in contact with me. I have to really push away those thoughts and just do it anyway.

If this is the same for you, you have to do it. You need to have the willpower to do it.

So anyway! That’s enough of mother Jess telling you! What else can you do to ease that lonely feeling? WELL. Lots!

Mental health, anxiety, depression, lonely, loneliness

P.S. I’ve created a workbook especially for you. It’s all about creating a positive outlook on life. Want it? Just press the button below to access:

Facebook chat and Facebook Groups

Most of us nowadays have mobiles or tablets. Not to mention laptops/PCs. The same goes for Facebook.

The great thing about Facebook is its social. You can choose how much (or little) time you spend being sociable on there.

So the next time you’re feeling a little lonely, why not get on Facebook? I know some of us aren’t massively interested in Facebook, but it is good for getting and staying in contact with friends.

Bite the bullet and strike up a conversation with someone. Make sure it’s someone you actually want to talk to, though!

For bloggers:

These groups are great for any bloggers reading this and wanting advice/meet other bloggers.

Blog Engagement/Promotion Group

Blog Passion Project

Blog + Biz BFFS

Bloggers in Europe and Beyond

For mental health:

There are lots of Facebook groups that are specifically for different mental health issues. Here are two that I know of. Doing a search on Facebook will also bring up a few for you.

Depression and Anxiety Support Group


person, woman, cup


If you have a phone with a front-facing camera, whip it out! Skype is completely free to download and easy to sign up with.

Now, go get asking your friends, family, colleagues etc. what their username is. Not only is it great for instant messaging, you get to see people in person!

For those that struggle with technology (like me sometimes!), you’ll find this easy, I promise! It is quite simply plug and play.

If you do have issues, though, do a quick Google search and you should easily find answers to your questions.

coffee, cup, apple


I only discovered Twitter when I started blogging. Honestly, I love it! It’s such a social app/page. You have to do Twitter a certain way as well.

There is a sort of etiquette linked with Twitter. Don’t worry though I’m going to give you a few pointers!

If you’ve never used it before, you might feel a little overwhelmed by it. I know I did. But create yourself an account and use the search bar to find things you are interested in.

It’ll give you people who you might want to follow, as well are tweets you might enjoy.

Spend some time liking and following some people. IF you find something interesting, why not retweet it?

Retweeting means basically copying that tweet and sharing with your followers. Most people are thankful for the retweet and it gets you out there.

Before you know it, you’ll have lots of followers, and people to strike up a conversation with.

If you’re feeling a little nervous about talking to people you don’t know, just go for it. You’ve got nothing to lose!

You’ve also go Twitter Chats and Twitter Parties. Google them and see if there are any you can get involved in.

Honestly – I would highly recommend Twitter if you’re feeling lonely and want to talk to someone.

Oh, and if you fancy it, follow me on Twitter! I’d be happy to chat whenever possible.

man, jumping, hill


To me, forums are kinda retro now. When I was younger, forums were the way forward when asking for advice for games and talking to people.

As far as I know they aren’t as popular as they used to be, but still good all the same.

A forum is a community of people who share an interest. It’s an internet based place to discuss and chat with other people from across the world.

There are forums all over the internet, dedicated to areas of interest. Again, do a quick google search for your interests, followed by the word ‘forum’ and you’ll find lots of results. I know there are some good ones for anxiety and depression.

Sign yourself up and get chatting away. Plus, they’re completely free.

If you’re looking for advice, forums can be really useful.

No More Panic is a good forum to go to for advice and chatter. I’ve signed up 🙂

Mental Health Forum is also a good one to have a look at. This one is for Anxiety in particular and also relates to depression.

The Depression Forum has lots of active members and some good threads to read through. It also covers other disorders too.

Read Heartwarming Stories

Have you ever seen those videos on Youtube showing acts of kindness? Or those stories/videos you read on the internet about rescued animals?

I must come across these at least once a day when browsing Facebook. I love them.

These are fantastic for really picking up your mood. If you’re feeling lonely but don’t want to put yourself fully out there right now, why not watch a few of these videos?

Although the rescue videos can be quite upsetting, it is always nice seeing these animals being given a new lease of life.

They will give you a nice distraction from feeling lonely and help this moment to pass.

bench, people, smartphone

Do something you enjoy

Another good tip for when you’re feeling lonely is to distract yourself by doing something you like.

The problem with loneliness is that it can strike at any moment. Plus, if you’re naturally an introvert, speaking to random people can be a bit daunting.

By doing something you enjoy, it’ll help take your mind of your feelings.

It’s not a quick fix, but it will certainly help you feel better.

So if you enjoy reading or watching TV, go and do it! I’m guessing that if you do get lonely, you’ll most likely be at home. It’s the perfect place to pick up something like this.

Just enjoy doing the act of something you enjoy doing. How about playing an instrument?

Now would be a great time to learn something new! Keeping your mind occupied might really help. I wrote a post here about what activities could be good for you if you suffer from a mental health issue.

Find a Social Group

For those that are feeling particularly adventurous, there will be lots of social groups in and around your locality to get involved in.

You can usually find local group either on Facebook, on the internet and possibly in a local paper.

You’ll be able to find something that suits you and find people with similar interests.

For those in the UK, Meetup is a really great website to get involved in. When you’re feeling brave enough, sign up and start getting involved.

game, fun, competition

Get involved with your friends and family

As well as meeting new people, why not spend some time with your family or friends? Now I know not all of us are close with or families and maybe not have many friends.

But having a conversation with a relative or friend might help you with those pangs of loneliness.

They may be able to offer you advice and help which you may not have considered before. I wrote a post on how to be more open recently that you might find interesting.

Don’t forget you can download my positive outlook workbook to help you! Just click the button below:

Offer Your Services!

Why not help out some friends, your family or maybe a neighbour with any tasks they might want doing?

You might not want to but this could be a great way of getting yourself involved more and meeting some new people!

You could mow some lawns, drop off children at school, help someone with their homework, anything.

Even better than this, ask for a bit of compensation too! Not only will you get to do a few bits and bobs, you could earn a bit of money in the process! Great stuff.

For me, I love writing so naturally it made sense to try and land gigs writing articles. You can have a look at my portfolio for some ideas on where to approach if you like!

Oh by the way:

What do you do when you feel lonely? Have you got any tips to share for others?

An Actionable Guide to Getting Yourself Motivated

By the way, my new eBook, “A Step by Step Actionable Guide to Reaching Your Dreams” is out now! It’s for women who want the best from their life but need a push/bit of guidance. It’s action-packed, non-fluffy and full of content. Click here to read/buy now. I’ll happy wait for you to come back 🙂

What can you do to keep yourself motivated? How can you pull yourself out of that dullness you sometimes feel when the last thing you want to do is do stuff?

I’m going to give you a really easy step by step guide on how. This is for those looking for a little kick up the bum, and to remind you of everything you’ve achieved so far.

Mental health (specifically depression) can lead to extremely low motivation. It makes the little tasks much harder.

You don’t even need to suffer from depression, or any other mental health issue, to know what it’s like being unmotivated.

So what steps can you take to combat these moments? When you really couldn’t think of anything better than just sitting on the sofa?

Keeping motivated whether you suffer from a mental illness or not

Get a to-do list sorted

Some of the best things come from creating yourself a to-do list. When I was little, I used to write down everything I wanted to do on my to-do list.

I don’t know why I did it, but it happened. I would only give myself 5 minutes to do them as well. Definitely didn’t have my time management skills sorted at 8 years old!

But I distinctly remember racing around with new energy trying to get anything I wanted to be done.

Whether it was clean out my hamster’s cage, play with said hamster, or anything else hamster related (I LOVE hamsters by the way), I would do it.

Before that moment, I was just sat doing nothing.

Fast forward to now and my to-do lists are much longer and full of adulty-type stuff. I have much less energy as well so you won’t see me running around like a headless chicken now!

The thing is, though, getting that sort of energy going is hard nowadays, especially if you’re lacking in some serious motivation. So I’ve created this to try and bring something back for you.

I’m not saying it’s going to be a light bulb moment, but it might spark a little something in you.

Write a to do list to help you with motivation. With or without mental issues

So grab yourself a bit of paper now. Push yourself to do it. It won’t be that bad once you get started. If you need a bit of help, why not read this post I wrote on to-do lists? Might be useful 🙂

Give yourself more credit for the great things you’ve already done

You’ve had many achievements already in your life, without even realising it. You might also have regrets too.

I want you to focus on the good things so far. I don’t want you to dwell on your regrets. So for example, how about that time you trained someone on something?

Or that time when you really enjoyed, for example, creating a training guide?

These bits you did were inspired and motivated by you. Focus on what it was that got you going the first time. There would have been something that sparked this on you.

Confidence comes with motivation, with or without a mental illness

Having confidence in your actions will inevitably increase your motivation levels. Procrastinating happens from lack of motivation (insert link about procrastination).

Remind yourself about the ‘whys’ and ‘how’s’ to keep you going. Don’t like about the ‘what-ifs’ and ‘maybes’.

Ask for help

Asking for help can seem impossible sometimes. The last thing you might want to do when you’re feeling unmotivated is asking someone for help.

But sometimes the best moments and ideas can come from other people!

Take me for example, the post I wrote about famous people and mental health (read it here!) was inspired by a work colleague mentioning it to me.

He knew I write about mental health and it sparked his interest. In turn, this sparked mine.

Without that little spark (sorry for using the word so often!), that whole post probably wouldn’t have existed! Or it might have done, but way down the line somewhere.

Ask for help when you need motivation, whether you suffer from a mental illness or not

I do say this a lot as well, but we are social creatures. Humans need humans to communicate with. Being unmotivated tends to make us kinda want to crawl into a little shell and ignore the world. We become hermits.

Now I love hermits, I really do, but this will do nothing for your motivation levels.

So bite the bullet and talk to someone. You don’t have to spill your life story or anything, just broach the subject with your mum or dad. See what advice/opinion they can give.

You’ll probably wonder why you were feeling so unsocial in the first place!

Create yourself little goals

Similar to a to-do list, goals keep your mind engaged and focussed. Lack of motivation comes about from a lack of direction and that’s why goals are great.

I promise you, the minute you start writing them down, you’ll feel motivated already.

Set yourself some goals to keep motivated

*disclaimer! I can’t magically make you feel motivated but it might help :)*

Create yourself some nice goals to look forward to. What exactly is it that you want? Write it down and pop it somewhere that you frequent often. No, the pub doesn’t count!

Goals are really great for keeping that motivation going. If you want more info on why goals are great – read this post I wrote recently on them. It has pointers on how to structure them too.

Celebrate the small things

Lack of motivation can sometimes come about from a lack of appreciation. That’s why I’m telling you to celebrate your small wins!

Treating yourself once you’ve hit a milestone is a great way of doing this. Let’s say you’re trying to tone up or lose a bit of weight.

Once you reach your mini-goals, for example losing a few inches off the waist, celebrate! A bottle of wine/fizz will do no harm! How about a new piece of jewellery?

It’s just a little something to keep you motivated.

Celebrate the small wins to keep yourself motivated, mental illness or not

Now I’m not a competitive type of person. But for those that are, this would be a really great way to motivate you. You’ll do everything possible to get to your goal, and you get something at the end of it!

When I say celebrate the little things, it doesn’t always need to include buying something. Why not post to Facebook and let the world know? Or share it on twitter?

There will no doubt be others willing to congratulate on your successes and will definitely keep you going.

Again, it’s all about positivity and reinforcing that whenever possible. Want to know more about positive reinforcement? Read a recent blog post about it.

Visualise where you want to be

Visualisation is a really great way to keep that motivation going.

Imagining where it is you see yourself has a really powerful effect. It can make whatever it is you are working towards more real.

So the next time you’re feeling a bit unmotivated, why not start drawing what you want? Do a bit of research on the internet and find images that relate to you goal.

Print them out and stick them somewhere. Or how about creating a whole mood board? All you need is some paper, glue and a printer.

You can stick stuff to it whenever necessary, or when you find something relevant.

Hang the mood board somewhere really obvious as well. There’s no point doing it if you’re just going to shove it somewhere of insignificance.

Visualise your goals. it will help keep you motivated, mental illness or not

Honestly – a little bit of visualisation works wonders for me. I need things stuck here, there and everywhere to keep me thinking about my dreams.

It’s not that I’ll forget, it’s just that I need regular reminders to keep me motivated.

Don’t beat yourself up

Sometimes, things go wrong. Sometimes you make mistakes. We’re all prone to this.

But beating yourself up about these things will do you no good. It can have a negative impact on your mental health and DEFINITELY make you unmotivated.

Those with anxiety, depression or another mental illness means you might succumb to negative thoughts. I know my anxiety makes me think badly all the time.

I really have to snap out of it. So that’s why I’m telling you to think now.

Please don’t beat yourself up about anything that might go wrong. Especially if it hasn’t even gone wrong yet!

You know what as well? Things will go wrong. But they create solutions too. They give you the opportunity to resolve issues as they come, and will improve you as a person.

By not beating yourself up, it will help keep you motivated. This will be fore you with or without a mental illness

They are actually very positive things, once you’ve got past the initial hurdle.

Do you know why companies are always asking for feedback? You know, those automated messages tell you that your feedback is important?

That’s because companies want to improve. How are they going to fix things if they don’t know what’s wrong?

This is the same for you. If you’re happily plodding along thinking you’re doing everything right, but you’re not, how will you know?

Turn around the negative into a positive. Allow yourself to accept that you will make mistakes and the motivation will follow you. You’ll want to improve.

The point of this post today is to make you realise that you are capable of anything you want.

Don’t let motivation stop you. Use these tips at times when you’re feeling like doing nothing. Push yourself through that unmotivated monster and fight back.

How do you keep yourself motivated? What advice would you give to someone feeling like this right now?

A Step by Step Actionable Guide to Reaching Your Dreams + FREE CHAPTER

anxiety, depression, life, lifestyle, mental health, your dreams can become relailty

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5 Great Lessons You Can Learn from Famous People and Mental Health

Have you thought that sports and superstars also suffer from mental health issues too?

Mental health, as you know, is something very close to my heart. It’s around me all the time. The stigma attached to mental health really gets me riled up.

It’s one sure way to get me angry and ignites further passion.

The thing is, though, because of the way mental health effects you, it’s hard to see outside of it sometimes. It affects you and it can feel like it’s only you sometimes.

But if you keep up with the news or the most recent celeb gossip, you’ll know that more and more stars are coming forward.

They are sharing their experience with their mental health. It’s really starting to get talked about.

This also sparked something inside of me. A work friend of mine actually brought it to my attention (thank you :)).

He mentioned that a famous English cricketer had been opening up about his mental health on the BBC website.

I instantly had to go and check this out. I read the article (you can read it here) and thought how great it was he was discussing it.

It’s quite a personal account, as it always is with mental health.

Celebrities get a lot of flack sometimes. But as more are discussing their mental health, the more who are speaking out. I think it’s fantastic.

So what can we learn from these people? Some are role models, and some definitely are NOT. Let’s just focus on the good ones for now!

Famous people and mental health

1. Mental health does not discriminate

Human beings have created racism. We’ve created discrimination. We’ve created images of ourselves that are warped. A mental health issue does not care about any of this.

It doesn’t decide whether the good or bad people in the world should suffer or get it lightly. It could be you. your mum, brother, and children.

It could be the people who have already had it rough.

It also doesn’t matter what skin colour you have, or what colour hair you have. It doesn’t matter where your ancestors came from either.

Any of us can be diagnosed with a mental illness at any point in our lives.

Just because celebrities are in the public eye a lot more than us, doesn’t mean they don’t suffer. A lot of them have pressures on them that we couldn’t even fathom.

Most of them face the same stigma that we do. Mental health is a big thing and should be treated as such.

2. Famous people aren’t as perfect as we might think they are

Celebrities are people like us.

Yes, the image that some carry gives off an impression of prefect-ness. A bravado as such. They have the most beautiful houses, the perfect family and a wardrobe to die for.

But they can still stuffer from anxiety. They can still be diagnosed with depression. Take Robin Williams for example. He is one of my favourite all-time actors.

He was funny, entertaining and the best actor.

Sadly, he decided to take his life and had been suffering from depression. It is a very real thing.

It has been reported that he had struggled with it for a number of years. You can seemingly have the best life on the face of things, but underneath you hide your secrets.

Those suffering from a mental health issue will know this feeling very well.

My point is that those in front of the camera may seem perfect, but in actual fact they aren’t. Those playing sports have to be strong and physically fit, but their brain me be a different story.

They are like you and me.

3. Celebrities have to make the same choices about medication (or the natural route)

You can probably see a pattern here! Celebrities, footballers and sports stars all have to go through the same journey as you or I.

They have to consider the options available to them.

You might be surprised to know that John Mayer actually keeps medication on him in case of any attacks. Kim Basinger has also explained previously that she uses medication as a way of dealing with her panic disorder.

These are very real accounts by famous people. I love how honest they are. They go through the same issues and have very real issues experienced by us all.

4. You can have all of the money and fame you want but it doesn’t matter

You’ve probably heard of Kerry katona’s meltdown on TV. You might also know that she suffers from bipolar disorder.

Not only are these two statements true, but she enjoys the freedom of having money too.

You see, you can be rich and famous, and still be susceptible to anxiety or depression. If anything, those in the public spot light could be perceived as being “…Just over-diagnosed, over-indulged, attention-seeking fakes” (The Guardian).

Imagine trying to explain your anxiety in an industry where you are perceived as being overly confident and carefree? I definitely couldn’t do it!

Those suffering from anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness are often accused of being drama queens and attention seekers.

I’ve been told that I should stop being so attention seeking before, that I should just ‘go out more’.

Celebrities do doubt get a lot more flack that we do.

5. Famous people hide their mental health like we do

My fellow reader – if you are reading this and have suffered from a mental illness you will be able to relate to this.

Cara Delevingne has recently opened up about her mental health. She explained in an interview with Marie Claire that she too considered suicide when she was a teenager.

She has suffered from depression whilst also working in an enviable industry.

They may have had a great childhood and a loving family, but it doesn’t stop them (and us) from doubting this. No amount of being told how grateful we should be, makes any difference.

The point of this article is to make you think a little. If you are particularly suffering at the moment, whether its depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc you are not alone.

We can all learn a lot from famous people. They become our idols and we look up to them. That doesn’t mean they too won’t suffer.

So if you’re struggling at the moment, go and search up a few of them. Their stories are inspiring, motivating and worth a read. We can all learn a lot from them!

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What is your opinion on celebrities and mental health? Do you love or loath them speaking out about mental health? Let me know!


8 Ways to Learn How to be More Open

For those with a mental health issue, finding the words can often be a struggle.

Even just opening up can be hard. Today I’m going to discuss how you can learn to be more open.

That’s whether it’s to your friends and/or family, or just with yourself.

Learn the best ways to be more open

Why be more open in the first place?

The annoying thing about mental health is that it closes you up. It makes it extremely hard to process what you are thinking and getting them into words. The last thing you might want to do it share these thoughts with people.

You don’t need to suffer from anxiety or depression either. All of us are guilty of being closed up at some point and still might do again.

At that same time, you might also be thinking that you will only be making matters worse. Or that your friends and family have too much on their plate than worry about what you might be feeling. You’re wrong on this one. I know and have learned the hard way.

You’re wrong on this one. I know and have learned the hard way.

They do care about you, even if they don’t show it. You aren’t always correct, you know!

You see your friends/family/partner want to know what’s going on so that they can help. For example, let’s say that you have a new business idea and you are in the early planning stages. You haven’t told anyone because you don’t need anyone else’s input.

You haven’t told anyone because you don’t need anyone else’s input.

You think they might think it is a silly idea.
Learn the steps to help anxiety. Be more open

But they might know someone who could do your business cards for you. Or maybe they know a good designer to help build your website? You would never know about this extra input that might grow your business from just an idea, into a full company.

You would never know about this extra input that might grow your business from just an idea, into a full company.

You might be missing out!

That above is just an example.

The same would also apply to your inner feelings too. We are emotional creatures and experience a wide variety of feelings. Not opening up about these feelings leads to burn out and definitely has a negative impact on mental health.

The thing is the world is stressful. There is work, rent, bills and food to get sorted. If you have children you have make sure they are set for school, are fed and their homework done. It leaves little room for the processing of our thoughts.

It leaves little room for the processing of our thoughts.

Learning to be more open is something that will help you with this. Speaking about your thoughts and feelings in a healthy way is good for you, and those around you.

So let’s move on to what steps you can take to being more open.

1. Write it down

As you know I am an avid reader and writer. I also have to write a lot of stuff down otherwise I forget. But I do have other reasons for this too.

To process my thoughts and feelings, I have to write them down sometimes. I cherish words and can often explain myself much better writing it down. I tend to stutter and definitely close up when trying to do so.

Our brains are complex so putting pen to paper is the only way of making any sense of them sometimes! So why not get yourself a notepad? It doesn’t have to be anything fancy.

I always go for a lined notebook but for those that like doodling, non-ruled might be good for you.


Writing things down will help you be more open

Think of it as a brain dump. Draw yourself maps or diagrams to help connect process thoughts. It doesn’t have to make sense either. Sometimes just the act of writing it down can help organise your brain.

There is a reason for me bringing this up. By writing down your thoughts, you are letting these feelings out. Even if there is no one else to read them, YOU are reading them. You are working out what’s going on in your head.

This process should be practised as often as possible, or as needed. The next step then is to try and share some of these thoughts with someone of your choice.

Even if it’s just me (you are more than welcome to get in contact with me!, you are well on your road to openness.

2. Don’t ignore something is wrong

Accepting that there is something wrong is probably one of the hardest things you might do. If you are naturally a less emotional and closed off person, this will take guts.

Sometimes you might not even think there is anything wrong.

In this case, your body tells you instead. Some of us are stubborn (that includes me). It takes a lot to even consider that you have a problem or an issue.

Taking steps to move past this barrier is a hard one; I’ll give you that one.

But you can and will overcome it.

Learn how to be more open by accepting there is something wrong

For example, if you feel like you’re drinking too much to deal with a situation, it needs to be accepted. If you are sleeping too much, you need to accept it.

If you aren’t speaking to your partner about issues, there is something wrong. If you’ve found yourself writing about this from the first point, the next step is to address it.

Addressing any issues now will make it much easier for you in the long run. After you’ve done it you’ll wonder why you were ignoring it in the first place. You, yes you, will make mistakes.

You’ve heard the phrase, “we all make mistakes!” a million times. Do you know the reason why? Because we do.  As much as you might think so, we aren’t perfect.

What does being perfect even mean? Exactly.

Those with a mental health issue tend to fall on the other scale. We beat ourselves up over our mistakes. Don’t I know it?!

But here’s the thing. Accept that you will, and will continue to, make mistakes. Talking through these mistakes will allow you to be more open.

See, speaking about these mistakes shows a high level of intelligence. It shows you are able to accept your mistakes and work out ways of preventing these in future. It will make it easier when you are trying to be more open.

How to be more open

3. Accept that you are imperfect

This is similar to accepting your mistakes but I have a slightly different stance on this. Our flaws are what make us unique. That little mole on your neck makes you, you.

You might wish it away every day for the rest of your life, but accepting it is there and not caring about what people think is accepting you are imperfect.

This also works with your emotions. You want to be more open. Accepting that you are imperfect by not being open means you are already half way there.

So don’t get angry at yourself when you don’t share what you want. That’s why you’re here now! You are working on it.

Give yourself a bit more credit.

4. Be honest about your feelings

This is going to be another tough one for you. It’s all about accepting what you have and just going for it.

If you think you’re a blubbering mess (like I am sometimes), accept it. Accept that you have feelings and share them. Being open is all about trusting yourself and not hiding who you are.

You don’t need to do that, trust me. At the same time, accept that you are closed off sometimes.

Because that’s okay too, you know?

Learn how to be more open

5. Tell your partner that you struggle opening up

A part of being open is bridging the gap that you might feel between you and your partner. Sometimes it’s easier to share your feelings with them over your family.

But ‘partner’ can be anyone you want it to be. Breaking down those walls starts by saying that you are not open. It’s a bit like accepting you for who you are, but you are now involving a significant other.

It builds trust with them and shows them that you do have feelings. Even if they are buried away.

Their reaction will probably surprise you as well. It won’t be as bad as you might think.

6. Push your boundaries

The process of being more open is much more complex than you might have thought. Opening up is pushing your boundaries. Why not push some other boundaries before you take the leap with yourself?

Doing what scared you will help you be more open

How about travelling somewhere on your own? Or how about going for that meal you always wanted, but on your own too? Our boundaries are all different so something I wouldn’t dream of doing might be easy to you.

Have a think about what it is that scares you. Then go and do it. Write it down first if this helps. It makes it feel more real once you can see and read it from paper.

Why not pop it in your new notebook? That certainly helps me.

Jumping right into things like this build up your confidence. It shows you that you can break down those emotional walls. You should feel proud of yourself and see it as a little win.

You are winning at life! But seriously though, this is the same for opening up.

It’s a big thing and by doing those other big things will make it easier.

7. Try talking therapy

I suggest this not as someone who can say this works, but to give you all the options. We are all amazing people but we can be opposite ends sometimes. What works for me might not work for you.

The reason I mention talking therapy as it can be good opening up to someone who doesn’t know you.

Try talking therapy to help you be more open

They are impartial and offer advice that is free of emotional connection. There are no risks involved, and what is discussed in the room stays in the room.

Some of you reading this could probably think of much better ways of spending your time. I understand that.

But it’s worth considering.

See, by speaking to someone else, it might make it easier when on the road to openness. Have you heard the phrase, “practise makes perfect”? This post seems to be full of phrases today.

But the more you talk about your feelings, the easier it will become.


If this is something you’re interested in, definitely go and speak to your doctor.

They can recommend people for you and you can contact them at your leisure.

8. Without sounding too cheesy, openness comes with age (to a certain extent)

I know, I know. I am still young like you (whatever your age!). But some things do come with age.

Like not giving a crap about what people think. I used to make myself ill worrying about how people felt about me. About whether I’d offended someone when in actual fact I definitely hadn’t.

This is a very big downside to anxiety unfortunately. But being more open happens as a consequence of understanding yourself.

Understanding yourself happens over time. This is why I say it comes with age.

Being more open comes with age and time.

See, there is a method behind my madness! But give it time.

Openness is great but only when you are ready to be more open. Time is a good healer (probably the best to be honest), and this also applies to being more open.

On a final note, you will get there.

So now I want to hear from you!

Do you struggle with being open?

What would you suggest if someone asked you how to be more open?

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